I spent years struggling with generalized anxiety. From early childhood, well into adulthood. It wasn’t until shortly after turning 30 years old, after hitting rock bottom with anxiety and fear, that I finally surrendered my will and humbled my heart to take hold of God’s hand. I cried out to God for help, and He led me out of the darkness of gripping anxiety and fear, and into the light of His perfect love.
This faith journey out of the darkness of anxiety and fear was not at all easy. It took time to peel back the layers of life choices, trauma, and misguided beliefs that had all contributed to my ongoing struggle with anxiety and fear. It was a step by step journey: 12 steps, to be more specific. There were times along that journey I doubted I’d ever experience sustained relief from the torment that bondage to fear brings. Fortunately, God never gave up on me.
Wrestling Through
As I continued to wrestle with God for a greater understanding of His unfailing, perfect love for me, He faithfully showed up to help. God taught me to wholeheartedly believe that I could rely on His love for me, that there was nothing to fear. When I opened my Bible to seek out God’s truth in Scripture for the lies the enemy was using to cripple me with fear, the Holy Spirit would lead me to the exact Bible verses and passages I needed to know the truth and be set free. Over time, I learned to trust God more, believing He would never abandon me in my weakness, pain, or suffering, but would always remain with me to lead me through to victory. As a result, my faith grew and fear left.
When I think about wrestling through, I think of the story of Jacob, who once spent all night wrestling with God. To “wrestle,” means to show forth strength and fight, or to grapple with. Looking to Genesis 32, it’s clear that at this point in Jacob’s life, he was fighting fear. First, we see that Jacob was afraid of his father-in-law, Laban, whom he feared would come after him for leaving with all his wealth. Next, we see Jacob terrified of his brother, Esau, whom he feared would be seeking revenge after losing his birthright to Jacob’s usurping. Wrestling with his fears and fleshly desires to hold onto his will, Jacob fought fully submitting to God’s sovereign will and plans for his life. Jacob was not yet ready to lay it all down—his wife, his children, his possessions, or his life. He wrestled with God and man as a result.
Genesis 32:24 describes the wrestling match Jacob was having one night, saying, “And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day” (Genesis 32:24 ESV). As we read through this section of Scripture we come to learn that this man Jacob was wrestling with was, in fact, God himself! While Jacob was still wrestling God, refusing to let go, God touched Jacob’s hip socket and put it out of joint. My speculation as to why God would wrench Jacob’s hip is that God needed to break Jacob’s human strength, or will, so that Jacob could become humble and submit himself to God’s will. If God hadn’t wrenched Jacob’s hip, maybe Jacob would not have become the man he was otherwise destined to become. After Jacob’s hip became wrenched, the man wrestling with Jacob said, “‘Let me go, for the day has broken.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me’” (Genesis 32:26 ESV).
Wrestling Toward Blessing
When we go through various trials and suffering and wrestle with God, we may receive a wrenched hip socket of our own, so to speak. In my case, a struggle with chronic illness. God does not use our brokeness to disable us, but to keep us from going our own way and to cause us to see our need for Him. If we are wise, like Jacob, we will not give up pursuing God until He blesses us. We will not give up believing in the good that He has in store for us because of His great grace and love for us.
It was after Jacob persevered in wrestling with God that God blessed him. The blessing, of course, wasn’t the wrenched hip socket. But that impairment became the means through which Jacob was made ready to walk in his purpose and receive God’s blessing for his life. The blessing was a new identity and a new name. No longer would Jacob be known as a supplanter (one who wrongfully seizes that which belongs to another), but Israel, because he had wrestled with God and man and prevailed (see Genesis 32:28 ESV). No longer deceitful, but made righteous, Jacob was destined to become the father of a great nation. His descendants would be God’s chosen people from whom Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, was born!
Holding Tight to Hope
When we pursue God for help in our struggle with anxiety and fear, God will reveal to us more of who He is, and who we are in Him. He will help us grow in our faith and empower us to continue to follow Him. God will use our fleshly desires or external circumstances to bring about the internal changes of heart and spiritual changes that are needed for us to grow in Christ-likeness. When we choose to “wrestle” with God for His blessing through the pain, His promise is that we will prevail. Like Jacob, we will become who God has destined for us to become. In Christ, we will overcome.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 ESV).
Continue to faithfully wrestle with God through all of life’s struggles. Knowing God and growing in faith is worth the fight!
Heavenly Father, for the one who wants to keep fighting but is struggling to hold on to hope, I pray you would show up in a mighty way and make your Presence known to her today. Remove her shame and heartbreak in an instant. Whatever lies the enemy has used to assault her and make her feel worthless and helpless, time and again, I rebuke in Jesus’ name. Give your daughter a new name, show her that her life story can change, and that the relentless pattern of her pain, like a curse, can be broken off. Where there have been impenetrable walls and closed doors, Lord, open a window. Let her feel the sunshine and warmth of your love again. Pour out your blessing! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
*This article I wrote was originally published September 24, 2021 as part of a series on wrestling through life’s challenges on terriprahl.com. You can check out her entire series here: https://www.terriprahl.com/category/wrestling-through-series/