God uses times of testing to reveal to us what we have yet to surrender to Him. Surrender happens when our fleshly desire, or human will, is broken. When we finally come to the end of ourselves, our hearts, minds, and bodies are ready to fully submit to God’s will, to live for God’s glory instead of our own pleasure or ideals. To be completely honest, this is where many choose to turn around and walk the other way. It can be difficult to abandon control over our own lives, especially when we have struggled for so long over uncontrollable fear. There are many who aren’t ready to give up living life on their terms. They count the cost and say, it’s too much!

Before you count the cost as too high, let me encourage you: only if you die to yourself and live for Christ will you find true freedom, purpose, and fullness of life. The Bible confirms this in what Jesus once said:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.”

—Luke 9:23–24

Let me tell you about one of the first times I had to surrender my spirit of fear to God and live within His freedom. As my family and I were driving home from church one Sunday, my son, Riley, excitedly asked my husband and me, “Can we go to Indian Hills summer camp this year?” My daughter, Janie, piped in, “We saw a video of the camp and all things that we can do there! You get to sleep in covered wagons and play in a tree house!” They handed me the flier with all the details. It would be four days and four nights. I wanted to share in my children’s enthusiasm, but instead, my mind instantly began filling with anxious thoughts and what-if questions. Can the camp counselors and staff be trusted? My son has life-threatening food allergies to wheat and peanuts. Will the camp be able to make accommodations for his dietary needs and ensure his safety? My daughter has Snow White’s complexion. In the extreme heat of summer, I wondered, who will make sure she is properly covered with sunscreen all throughout the day?

The idea of sending my babies away to an overnight camp for the first time made my stomach churn. Second and third grade is too young to go away overnight, I told myself. I had just made up my mind that camp was out of the question, when I suddenly felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to reconsider. I sensed that God had plans and reasons I didn’t yet understand for them to attend camp. It seemed God was calling me to surrender to Him my fears about my children’s safety, to release control, and to trust that He would look after my children while they were away.

My husband and I talked it over that afternoon, and we finally agreed we would let them go. However, there was still the question of cost. How much was this blessed camp going to run us anyway? Quickly adding up the cost in my head, I carelessly blurted out the total amount in front of both kids. “Yikes, $700!” Oops, I thought. I hadn’t intended to lay a burden of guilt on my kids for wanting to go to church camp. Looking inspired, Riley ran off to his bedroom, returning seconds later with his wallet in hand. Opening it up, he pulled out his cash and handed me the entire sum: $130. This was all the allowance and birthday gift money he had been saving for over a year. For a kid without a job, this was a lot of money! “I want you to have it to help with the cost of camp,” he said. I stared at him dumbfounded, not quite knowing how to respond to such incredible generosity and kindness.

Riley turned and disappeared into his bedroom again, coming back with his piggy bank. After removing the plug from the bottom, he began shaking out all the loose change onto the family room couch. At this point, I had to sit down. It was too much! I wasn’t sure my heart was capable of receiving so much love all at once. It actually made me feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t let him sacrifice so much for me, could I?

I began to protest. “No, Riley, you save your money. Maybe, there will be another time when you can help out with the cost of something.” But that sweet boy of mine wouldn’t take no for an answer. He looked right into my eyes and ever so confidently asserted himself. “The time is now. I’m giving this money to you.” Apparently, this was not up for discussion.

My daughter Janie, who witnessed her brother’s gift, ran to her bedroom. She too walked out with all her money in hand. Following the example set by her older brother, she opened up her piggy bank, and before I could say anything, she began showering me with coins. As the coins rained down into my lap, I suddenly became overwhelmed with the sense that this was God pouring out His love for me. I simply had to sit there and take it all in. In that moment, I felt the perfect love of God taking the place of all my fear. I sensed that, though I hadn’t earned it and didn’t deserve it, His love was for me—not to be refused, but humbly received. Suddenly, I knew everything was going to be okay. My children would be taken care of, and I could stop worrying.

When the last coin from Janie’s piggy bank finally fell into my lap, I thought of the story in Mark 12, of the poor old widow and what she gave to the church offering. As the story goes, “A poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on’” (Mark 12:42–44). The poor widow had so little to give, but she was willing to risk it all without fear of the future—just as my children had just demonstrated to me. In the love of God, she knew she was safe and secure. As I reflected on her trust in God, I felt the Lord telling me in my spirit, you must be willing to give it all.

Minutes after giving me all her money, Janie handed me a little note. It read, “I love you so much I allowed myself to give up all my money for you. Love, Janie.” As I read her sweet note, my heart melted. In my spirit, I heard God echoing, I love you so much I allowed myself to give up my life for you. Tears began streaming down my cheeks.

Jesus willingly gave it all because of His love for each of us. He came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly (see John 10:10). Therefore, His abundant life—the love, freedom, blessings, joy, peace, and riches of His glory—are all for us! We don’t have to earn it. He offers it to us freely! All He asks is that we open our hearts to receive it—to receive Him! Ultimately, the things God calls us to surrender now—our family’s health and safety, or our finances, for example—are small in comparison to the life God wants to bless us with. To receive all He has for us, we must first consider what we are holding onto, or trusting in other than God, and then be willing to let it go.

What might God be calling you to walk away from or surrender to Him at this moment? Will you choose to give up what is temporary for what is eternal? Are you ready to lay down your life—all your hopes, dreams, personal desires, and selfish ambition—for the One who gave His life for you? What about all your fears, insecurities, regrets, and past pain? Will you surrender those things as well? When we choose to surrender our lives to Jesus, “In a twist of irony, we find that giving up our lives gives us the life we so desperately wanted all along” (Kyle Idleman, Not a Fan).

Dear heavenly Father, I confess that sometimes it’s really hard to follow where You lead. I don’t always see the benefits when faced with suffering and trials of many kinds. I confess to You now that I have held back from surrendering my all to You. Please forgive me and help me to follow You with my whole heart. Help me to see that I can entrust everything to You without fear. Reveal to me those things I have yet to surrender, and give me the power to release them to You one by one. Thank You for willingly going to the cross for me. My salvation, joy, peace, purpose, and hope are found in You alone. By Your wounds, I am healed! In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, amen!