Where does the perfect love of God fit in, in the midst of an unrelenting trials, suffering, and loss? Maybe, during this season of pandemic, you’ve questioned God’s goodness. You’ve wondered where God is, and why He is so long in coming? Me too. You see, in the last couple years, I have experienced extensive loss. I have been grieving, and in the bitterness of my grief, I too, have questioned where God’s protection is for His followers when He allows such horrific suffering to continue on unabated in the lives of those who have given up everything to follow Him.

I have personally suffered with chronic pain and autoimmune illnesses for the last 16 years. I have prayed all the prayers of faith I can think to pray. I have had others pray for me. I have confessed my sins. Focused on serving others rather than serving myself. I have seen others get healed—some of whom I have prayed for myself and seen healed—and yet, here I am, still struggling with my health daily. I often find myself shaking my head in disbelief when another new symptom arises. If I’m being honest, it seems like I have no escape from the incessant health problems I deal with, and at times, no protection.

I read verses in the Bible like James 5:15, that says, “The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” And, Psalm 103:2-5 that says, “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed life the eagle’s.”

And I have to question . . . God, why does this verse not hold true for me? Right here. Right now. Don’t you care about all that I’m going through? Have I fallen short of your grace, God?

No, I know that cannot be true. I recognize that in this world we will have trouble, and yet, when days turns into months, and then months into years, I begin to wonder where God’s perfect love for me is . . .

God, how can this be how you show me you love me, and are for me? How can I continue to believe, when what I experience is stark contrast from the promises I read about in your Word?

When my life looks more like what I read in Jeremiah 8:15, that says, “We hoped for peace but no good has come, for a time of healing but there is only terror.” And Jeremiah 30:13, that says, “There is no one to plead your cause, no remedy for your sore, no healing for you.”

But, Jesus, you died for me! I know you love me. I do have someone to plead my cause, and that someone is you! So, God, where are you? The time of the prophet Jeremiah was prior to your time, Jesus—before salvation could be found in You—and before your sacrifice that was enough to pay the penalty for all our sins.

So, this scripture from Jeremiah should only apply to those who have not made Jesus Christ Lord of their lives. If Jesus is now standing in the gap for us, His followers, then why do we still have to endure so much suffering? After all, according to Psalm 91:9-12, the Bible says, “If you say, ‘The Lord is my refuge,’ and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

Why does this verse not always seem to ring true? How can I pray in confidence that God’s protection and healing is for me, and that what we read in scripture is true, if it only is seems to work for me sometimes, and not others—and for some believers, but not all believers?

So, why all this questioning? Why do I seem to argue with God, and question His ways? Why all this doubt, confusion, and frustration? Because—I know that I am not alone in my experience, and some of you out there have felt the same feelings I have felt, experienced some of the same things I’ve experienced, and have had some of the same questions I’ve had.

If this sounds all too familiar, then I believe God has a Word for you today. Stay with me, here. I’m getting to it . . .

Whenever we have questions and doubts, or are struggling to take God at His Word, and trust in His goodness and mercy, we are told to go to Him, and to ask Him for wisdom, right? After all, James 1:5 says that, “If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” This is exactly what I did, and you know what, God did just as He said, and gave me His wisdom for all my wonderings, and maybe for some of yours too. I’m still working through applying His wisdom to my heart, but I want to share what God has revealed to me thus far.

God led me to Joshua 21:43-45, a passage I had previously highlighted and labeled, “the promise.” Now hear this. It says, “So the Lord gave Israel all the land He had sworn to give their ancestors, and they took possession of it and settled there. The Lord gave them rest on every side, just as He had sworn to their ancestors. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the Lord gave all their enemies into their hands. Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.”

The point is this: God’s promises are always, “yes and amen.” As Psalm 37:34 says, “Hope in the Lord and keep His way. He will exalt you to inherit the land.” What is your promise land? What are you hoping and praying for? What you hope for in the Lord, the promise yet to be fulfilled, will come to fruition. Though, you don’t know when or how. Though you don’t know how long this night will last, you can believe that God will, indeed, fulfill His promises to you. He will make the giants in your life fall. He will move the impossible mountains from before you, and throw them into the heart of the sea. And you will inherit the land He has promised to give you.

God cares deeply for you. He sees you, and knows all that you have had to go through to get to where you’re going. Isaiah 53:3 says of Jesus, “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” Jesus knows. He has felt every bit of your pain and suffering. He is not indifferent, or cold, or out of touch with what you are experiencing. In fact, Isaiah 53:4 says, “Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering.” He humbled Himself, and came down to earth for us. And according to verse 5, “He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.”

We can be assured that God’s healing and help are always for us, no matter what. Yes, pain may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Whether your night is actually a night, 16 years, or 38 years—one day you will see the fulfillment of all that you’ve hoped and longed for.

In the meantime, we can still experience God’s perfect peace amidst our suffering by surrendering all that we cannot control now, to the Lord. We can take Him at His Word, by faith. We can trust in God’s good plans for our lives. We can stop striving for our will to be done, and fighting for the way we want to see our lives go, and simply learn to let go. We can praise Him in the in-between. We can lean into God more closely, look and listen for what He wants to do in and through us, because we know that God will work all things together for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

When we begin seeing from God’s perspective, we may still grieve, we may still cry, and struggle—but in surrender, and in humbling ourselves, we will be given the strength to persevere, to keep holding onto hope, and to believe in God’s faithfulness and unfailing kindness to us.

What might God be doing in and through you, not in spite of your difficult circumstances, but because of them? Retribution and complete restoration will come to you. This is your promised inheritance in the Lord.

There is a passage from the Bible that is very near and dear to my heart. It was a passage the Lord revealed to me when I was battling anxiety, and felt like I would never overcome. I have it framed in my bathroom to remind me of God’s promises to me—lest I forget, and need to be reminded. This Word is from the Lord, for you, too:

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord, who has compassion on you. ‘Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with lapis lazuli. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace. In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you. See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me,’ declares the Lord” (Isaiah 54:10-17).

I hope this encourages you today. Feel free to share this with any you know who might need to hear this message as well. God bless you!